Restoration of the Family, Inc. (RFI) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization
Copyright ©,RFI, all rights reserved
 

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE CEREMONY?  

Return to Home Page    Return to Topic List

Many of us have heard the familiar lyrics, "Get me to the church on time"  from the award-winning movie, My Fair Lady.  Probably even more have entertained that thought on their wedding day:  "Oh, don't let me be late for my wedding."  What do we remember about weddings:  the bride in her beautiful white gown with its long train elegantly decorated with pearls and sequins; the nervous bridegroom as he appears from the side front door with his attendants; the flowers and other decorator touches in the sanctuary.  The friends and relatives watch as the bridegroom catches a glimpse of his beautiful bride as she stands waiting to take that first step down the white runner that has been spread before her.  Just what is it that brings so many friends and relatives together, which takes so much planning, that involves such a large outlay of finances?

THE UNSEEN MIRACLE

Each guest notices different aspects of a wedding ceremony.  Unfortunately, few truly realize what happens during this, God's holy sacrament.  What we witness is a MIRACLE, a supernatural, invisible, permanent creation that takes place in front of our eyes which we fail to comprehend.  This is what really happens when the bride and bridegroom say, "I do."  They are receiving one another as a one-flesh being until one of them passes from this earth because of physical death.  "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth ..."  (I Corinthians 7:39)  Through a COVENANT with God (God is "creator" and the witness:  "Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth ..."  [Malachi 2:14]), their flesh is joined - not their spirits - as we learn by studying the Word of God:  "And they twain [two] shall be one flesh; so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  (Mark 10:8,9)  Don't read on until you have carefully studied Mark 10:8,9.  Memorize it.  This is the definition of marriage as spoken by Jesus Christ.  Think carefully about the underlined words.  Do we really understand this awesome miracle that takes place at the altar between a man and woman and God?  Oh, woe unto us who deny this very unique work of the LORD!

The conditions under which this "joining" remains (these two are bound, knit, tied, super-glued! together) include what is typically summarized in the vows spoken in most wedding ceremonies:  (1) "from this day forward (2) for better, for worse (3) for richer, for poorer (4) in sickness and in health (5) to love and to cherish (6) until death us do part."

THE EFFECT OF A LIFE-TIME COMMITMENT

Whether or not these vows are actually spoken or if we mortals choose to agree or disagree with God, the Scriptures clearly tell us that a one-flesh covenant marriage is a life-long commitment.  Only the physical death of one of the spouses dissolves God's creation.  "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man."  (Romans 7:2,3)  That's because two individual people come to the altar but leave that altar a new creation (one-flesh) via God's supernatural, mysterious touch upon their lives.  Like the conception of a baby in a mother's womb, brides and grooms physically don't "feel" this miracle that has taken place which has made them one flesh in front of all these witnesses.  Many, unfortunately, fail to understand this important truth, nor is it taught by example or precept how to live a life of commitment toward a spouse.  Children have not learned this because adults, have failed to set the example in the home and/or have not taught those under their care what the Scriptures command regarding marriage.  How can we effectively teach what we don't understand (or believe)!  Thus, we now have generations springing up who believe that marriage is a temporary arrangement until they tire of one another or until someone more attractive, younger, older, fatter, skinnier, more intelligent, more/less industrious comes along.

Many erroneously think that the pastor, priest, rabbi, justice of the peace, or even sex, makes the two one-flesh.  God's Word disproves this.  These officials only affirm what God has created.  "What therefore God hath joined together ..."  Sexual intimacy is a privilege of marriage.  All acts of lust (illicit sexual activity which God calls fornication, adultery, homosexuality, etc.) are abhorrent sins.

BREAKDOWN OF FAMILIES IS TIED TO BROKEN OR ABSENT RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE LORD

Most of us are keenly aware of the wave of destruction that is drowning America because of the breakdown of the family.  (This is really tied to broken or absent relationships with the LORD.)  It is a great tragedy that thousands of men and women go to the altar to be united in a covenant of marriage, who say that they will love and cherish their spouse under all conditions, forever, but have no idea what this commitment, to love and cherish unconditionally, means.  Newly-weds start with the optimism that their marriage will not face the problems others have or that they can and will overlook any imperfections their partner might have or may develop in the days ahead.  

Those who date and develop a relationship on friendship (phileo) and lust/illicit sex (fornication/eros) will find that these manifestations of affection will break down when troubles enter the home.  There is not a relationship in this world, no matter how perfect it seems at the beginning, that will not experience conflict, testing or trials.  A love not based upon commitment (Agape [love]) isn't strong enough to provide the "glue" to keep spouses from separating when the real pressures enter, and the flesh is driven by lust to find an answer to personal weaknesses by looking for another partner.

Marital love is based upon unconditional commitment.  It is rarely taught by example in the home, by marriage counselors or by the clergy as it applies to a marriage relationship, as evidenced by the overwhelming number of divorces every year.  Instead, we live in a world trained up in narcissism - of putting self first; of looking out for "number one," self.  Even more destructive is the fact that most who walk the aisle have developed a love based on eros, feelings controlled by lust.  

Many have become involved in fornication, a sin God abhors so much that He states that people practicing this sin will not enter the kingdom of Heaven unless they repent.  (I Corinthians 6:9,10; Ephesians 5:5; Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 2:20-22)  Few, however, understand repentance, especially the fact that one must have nothing to do with the sin from which they are repenting if it is true repentance.  (Study other articles on our web site under the topic of Repentance for more insight on this greatly misunderstood action.)  

FORNICATION DOESN'T JUST DISAPPEAR WHEN  PROMISCUOUS PARTNERS MARRY

Equally as tragic is that many who have entered into a lifestyle of fornication believe that this sin just disappears once they marry.  Therefore, what frequently happens is that this lustful practice of illicit sex (based on a belief that sex outside of marriage is okay and that God overlooks this behavior), rears its ugly head 20 or 30 years after the wedding when it is expressed through adultery and becomes even more destructive as so many more lives are adversely affected.  Marriage ceremonies do not purify hearts from the desire and practice of lust any more than do they purify hearts filled with anger, hatred, alcoholism, etc.  (Study Matthew 15:18-20.)  

God expects everyone to make a covenant with their eyes that they will not look with lust at another person, just as was avowed by Job.  This includes TV, magazines, Internet in addition to the flesh:   "I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?"  (Job 31:1)  

WHY GOD DEMANDS AGAPE IN A MARRIAGE - THE KEY TO NO DIVORCE 

Why does God demand agape [love] in a marriage?  Could it be because He knows that is the key to no divorce!  Marital love is described in the Scriptures:  "... love ... as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."  (Ephesians 5:25)  "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son ..."  We are also told that this kind of love (charity) never fails.  (I Corinthians 13:8)  Charity is the word used to express love in First Corinthians 13 because it encompasses the "action" of a sacrificial love.  When we give to a charity, we do so with no expectations of any return.  That's the foundation of this kind of love - it gives with no strings attached. 

A beautiful, incredible example of agape [love] is found in the Old Testament book of Hosea.  Here we see the reconciliation of a "broken home" because a spouse was willing to pay the price to give agape [love].  Hosea married Gomer.  Gomer, however, became a harlot, had several lovers, and even married someone else.  Can you imagine Hosea's pain?  Perhaps his distress could best be described by a woman who recently wrote RFI whose husband left their home after 18 years:  "I never knew one could hurt so bad and still be alive."  

GOD COMMANDS EVEN THOSE SEPARATED VIA A DIVORCE DECREE TO RECONCILE

In spite of his pain, Hosea remained loyal and followed God's directive to go get his adulterous wife:  ("Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet (still) an adulteress ...") and love her:  "...according to the love [agape] of the LORD ..."  (Hosea 3:1)  Surely, God couldn't be serious!  Hosea should give agape [love]?!    Yes, and not only that, but Hosea had to buy his wife back!  

God in the person of Jesus Christ set the example for marital love:    

Tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword should not keep a husband and wife from expressing agape [love] (Romans 8:35) - and certainly lust and/or divorce should not!   

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8:35-39)  

ONLY GOD CAN MAKE THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE - AGAPE (LOVE)

"But," you might ask, "is this agape [love] really possible?"  Absolutely not ... That is, not without the help of the Lord.  That's why we are clearly told:  "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"  (II Corinthians 6:14)  That's why we are commanded to "Study to shew thyself approved unto God ..."  (II Timothy 2:15)  That's why we should develop a relationship with the Lord before marriage.  God is love [agape].   We cannot understand love (agape) if we don't know Him.  We learn Who He is by studying Word He has written through holy men Who recorded the Words written in the Bible. 

AGAPE CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD OUTSIDE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD

Agape [love] cannot be understood outside of a relationship with the LORD.  Most reading this article have already entered into a marriage-covenant.  Many are not living with their one-flesh mates.  Does this mean that this message is too late?  No, absolutely not.  Anyone can begin today to study the Word (the Bible) for guidance on rebuilding the right relationship with a mate.  If living alone, you can ask God to help you forgive your mate and give you a supernatural love for him/her; to change you into a vessel that can be used to bring a lost mate to the Lord; to pray for husbands to become the spiritual leaders of homes; to pray for women to become Proverbs 31 wives with a Biblical understanding of submission.

THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD ARE NOT DOING IT; IT'S UP TO EVERY PARENT, EVERY FRIEND, EVERY ACQUAINTANCE TO "TRAIN UP" OTHERS IN TRUTH

It is vitally important to teach our children and other young adults the meaning of  SACRIFICIAL, EVERLASTING love so that they, in their marriage, can move from selfishness to commitment: to serve their husband/wife and to minister to him/her.  We at Restoration of the Family all too frequently receives phone calls from a distressed parent who laments the fact that his/her son or daughter is "shacking up."  Sex outside the bonds of marriage is no longer shocking; instead, we often hear the response, "Everyone's doing it."  Well, guess what?  Not everyone is doing it.  Those who love the Lord are not doing it.  (This includes involvement in any sexual sin:  fornication, adultery, homosexuality, incest, pornography.) 

 That may appear like a harsh statement, but we must always turn to the Word for truth.  The Bible clearly commands us not to become involved in sexual sin.  The Word says, "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me ..."  (John 14:21)  "... If a man love me, he will keep my words ..."(John 14:23)  "And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.  He that saith I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar and the truth is not in him."  (I John 2:3,4)  Sexual sin (fornication, adultery, homosexuality, etc.) are abhorrent sins which God hates; they lead to eternal death if a person dies without repenting (having nothing to do with) of that lifestyle.  (Study Proverbs 28:13;  II Corinthians 7:9,10.)

WHAT EACH PERSON IS "CALLED" TO DO FOR HIS FAMILY, HIS COUNTRY

If you are concerned about the destruction of families, whether it be your own, your neighbor's, or even the welfare of our nation; you can do something about this.  Be bold enough to proclaim the biblical message about one-flesh marriages.  Those who are dating, those who are engaged, should examine their relationships.  If theirs has been a pattern already established which includes fornication, encourage them to repent: to turn from this abhorrent behavior; to get on their knees before God and begin the habit of praying together.  The foundation they should build is one developed from reading and studying the Word together.  This includes being on their knees praying together, while facing one another and holding hands, as they ask for wisdom from the Lord regarding not only their relationship to each other; BUT, even more far-reaching, their promise (vow) to love one another UNCONDITIONALLY.  This is the commitment they will be making should they enter into a one-flesh covenant.

As mentioned above, YOU can be an instrument to turn the destruction from broken relationships around.  It doesn't require a special degree; it doesn't require a huge investment.  It just involves your being willing to teach and live this truth.

EPILOGUE:  SAD, BUT TRUE!

It is unfortunate, but true, that most adults believe that the primary reasons for abstaining from illicit sex are that a pregnancy might occur, and they would be forced to deal with the reality of an unwanted child, or they might contract the dreaded disease, AIDS, from which they would die.  Statistics, however, prove that those "fears" aren't deterring people from sexual sin.

What we should be teaching young adults and others is that illicit sex is an abhorrent sin against God (I Corinthians 6:18-20;  II Samuel 12:13; Psalm 51:4)  which leads to eternal death if we don't repent.  (Proverbs 6:32 and 28:13; I Corinthians 6:9; Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 2:20-22)

The solution to stopping sexual sin is salvation (a right relationship with God), with people obeying God's commandments/instructions.  (Diligently study Proverbs, Chapters 1-7.)  ONLY when man fears God will he truly depart from evil; that is, his heart is changed (Matthew 15:18,19):  "... by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil."  (Proverbs 16:6)  

ARE YOU IN SEXUAL SIN?

"And I find more bitter than death the woman [man] , whose heart is snares and nets, and her [his] hands as bands:  whoso pleaseth God [follows His commands] shall escape from her [him]; but the sinner shall be taken by her [him]."  (Ecclesiastes 7:26)  If you are caught in the "net" of sexual sin, it could be difficult to get out of it.  But the alternative is death: "The wages of sin is death."  (Romans 6:23)  "But whoso committeth adultery ... destroyeth his [her] own soul."  (Proverbs 6:32)  The answer is turning from sin and to the LORD for help:  repentance:  "...Whoso confesseth and forsaketh them [sins] shall have mercy."  (Proverbs 28:13)  "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery."  (Luke 16:18) 

Return to Topic List    Top of Page

Question on article, write: