SUBMISSION IS A TWO-SIDED MIRACLE!
by Judith A. Brumbaugh |
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NO MORE TWAIN (TWO)
Think of the number of times when you have quickly pulled back your hand so that it wouldn't be caught in a door, or burned by an open flame or crushed by a falling object. These are reactions from messages sent by our mind to various parts of our body. These learned responses to external stimuli are made by the body to protect it, maintain it and strengthen it. Some very important principles can be gleaned from these responses of the body to help us understand the biblical relationship that God wants husbands and wives to exhibit: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church." (Ephesians 5:28,29)
Relate the principle of man?s care of his body to the care of his wife expected by God. If a husband loves his wife as his own body, he will be responsive to her needs and wants (AND the wife for her husband?s needs and wants). Think about the responses of your body when you get up in the morning. An immediate trip is made to the bathroom. The mind sends another signal that it is hungry and thirsty; thus, we get something to eat and drink. You brush your teeth, get dressed and comb your hair - and study the Word of God. The related principle taught here is that the husband will tenderly respond to his wife's emotions, her hurts, her struggles, her needs. He will not ask of her things that make her sad or uncomfortable. He will never embarrass her or treat her with acts of unkindness. Notice that the standard by which the relationship between a husband and wife is to be measured - it is as Jesus Christ ?nourisheth and cherisheth the church? - not as our friends, peers, work associates and society have established their relationships with their mates.
Likewise the wife has the responsibility to also love her husband, but the focus for her responses toward her husband is reverence. The principle for reverence is as Sara called her husband "lord" - not LORD where she worshiped him - but as one in godly submission, positionally, just as Jesus submitted to the Father: "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well ..." (I Peter 3:6)
DEVELOPING A ONENESS
God's perspective/wisdom for building and restoring strong, healthy marriage relationships is clearly given in His Word, the Bible. We, however, may not have been trained how to recognize these principles, nor how to apply them. The focus of this article is to help the reader study how God says:
 | husbands and wives are to develop a oneness, physically, while preserving the individuality of both partners |
| husbands and wives are to blend the command to love and reverence |
| husbands and wives are to recognize the difference between love and submission versus lust and selfishness, enslavement and bondage. |
The key to biblically living the oneness contained in a marriage covenant is being submitted to God. Only then can a husband and wife fully, biblically, submit and love one another "in the fear of God." Being submitted means that we study the Word and apply what it says is love - as illustrated by the life of our LORD Jesus Christ. (Remember we don?t become one flesh. God MAKES us one flesh before we leave the wedding altar.)
| But my mate isn't saved ... |
Many reading this article may be thinking, "Yes, BUT, my mate isn't saved, so these principles cannot work in my life." Please consider the Word that we are to follow. Who is it that loved you before you loved Him, Who gave His life for you when you were yet dead in sin and trespasses (were selfish, prideful, committed sinful acts, refused to give even a tithe of time and resources to His glory)? Does it bother you to love, to submit to your spouse - to put him/her first in your life (ahead of your career, your children, your personal ambitions)? Our example, Jesus Christ, loved us and "did" His part when we were in rebellion (and may still be in our relationship to our mate when we compare our responses to our spouse with those of Jesus to God the Father).
Biblically, our love for our mate and behavior toward him/her is not dependent upon his/her actions or state of salvation. We are to do our part to love and cherish, to submit and reverence, and let God work on our mate to bring about change in his/her life that we might all be led to the ultimate love - that which is patterned after the life of Jesus Christ. Lost mates, as well as those who are saved but haven't matured in their relationship to God, often can be won by the quiet, gentle spirit of a spouse submitted to the Word, by his/her putting into action the principles of discipleship from the Word. This will be exhibited by a mature Christian spouse - one who reverentially fears the LORD.
GOD?S MARRIAGE MANUAL 
The main text for this study is based upon God's marriage manual, the Bible, but specifically Ephesians 5:17-33. Before proceeding, please invest a few moments to carefully study this portion of Scripture. A Christian husband should read this and other portions of the Word to his wife in his response to one of several of God's guidelines for the husband: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God ... Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord ... Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; ... sanctify and cleanse ... with the washing of water by the word." (Ephesians 5:22-26) This is what the LORD did for His spiritual wife Israel as recorded in Ezekiel 16:8,9: "... I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine. Then washed I thee with water; [This is the Word.] ..."
For the purposes of this study, it is assumed that the reader understands that marriage is between one man and one woman - neither having another living one-flesh spouse, and that the duration of that union is until the physical death of one of the spouses. Write RFI if you would like other materials regarding this aspect of marriage, or study articles posted on this site. Consider the following three areas:
I. THE ORDER
Understand God's perspective (order) on marital relationships: ?Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.? (Ephesians 5:17) ?And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.? (Mark 10:8,9) ?Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,
as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.? (Colossians 3:18,19)II. ATTITUDES & LIFESTYLE PATTERNS
Study the Word to learn biblical attitudes and lifestyle patterns for husband/wife relationships. ?And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.? (Ephesians 5:18-20)
III. SUBMISSION
Submit first to God in all things, then apply biblical principles. Apply the pattern set by Jesus Christ in His unconditional love to the Church (us), to His spiritual wife Israel (of the Old Testament) and in His submission to God the Father - to the relationship between you and your spouse. Through the examples set by Jesus Christ, it is clear to see that submission is not one person lording over another as a tyrant; it is not a boss/slave relationship, but a loving bond between two who are one. It is ?Submitting yourselves one to another in the [reverential] fear of God.? (Ephesians 5:21)
It is an extremely serious responsibility to have someone submit to you. The standard set by the person to whom the submission is made - if reflective of Jesus Christ and the Father to Whom He submitted - reflects perfection, holiness and righteousness in the person to whom it is submitted. Woe! That certainly puts a grave responsibility on the husband to whom the wife is to submit and reverence.| Submission is often misunderstood. |
Submission is probably one of the most misunderstood and abused aspects of marriage. Often times, husbands set standards for their wives which God never set for His Church. Slavery, selfishness, enslavement are not examples which Jesus modeled through His death by painful crucifixion, by His obedience, by His sacrifice. He, instead, GAVE; He LOVED. There?s no place in the Bible where we find that Jesus Christ was ever abusive or disrespectful to His bride, where He ever neglected her for selfish purposes, where He ever abandoned her. God desires for us to spend time with Him - to be ?sold out? to Him. He gives the command: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also [1] loved the church, and [2] gave himself for it.? (Ephesians 5:25) Notice the ?mission,? the purpose, the focus of all of Christ's GIVING to His Church, His bride: ?That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it ... not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." (verses 26,27) What a perspective on marriage missed by so many of us!
This was the purpose and "methodology" God exhibited with His spiritual bride, Israel, and the example left for us to follow with our earthly mates: "... I throughly washed .. thee, and I anointed thee with oil. I clothed thee also ... and thou wast exceeding beautiful, and thou didst prosper into a kingdom. And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.? (Ezekiel 16:9-14)
THE ?MISSION? FOR MARRIAGE
| Mission: model God's example in our marriages! |
What a mission we have here on this earth - to model God's example in our marriages! This is our first calling beyond salvation as spouses. God's guidelines, applied in a marriage relationship, will teach the world Who Christ is by the charity (sacrificial love), submission and reverence that flows between a husband and wife who are exemplifying a biblical marriage relationship.
Charity, as pictured through ?husbands, love your wives even
as Christ also loved the church? in Ephesians, Chapter five, contextually, is not based on physical beauty and personal pleasure, but upon the intangible attributes that distinguish the eros (lust) of the world from the charity (sacrificial love) of the Word. It's not based on the "secularization" of the marriage vows which substitute the selfish statement, "as long as you shall love," for "as long as you shall live." A one-flesh marriage union is not conditional upon peoples' feelings or their degree of commitment. It's a permanent joining (oneness) by God until the physical death of one of the spouses. Charity is what should be in the heart of every believer - what the writer of First Corinthians teaches is the essence or heart of God's love. It?s how love is to be manifest in our lives.CHARITY - THE ESSENCE OF LOVE
Charity is the love that provides the foundation under a fulfilled biblical marriage relationship.
Many are in a biblical marriage (one-flesh), but they are living a double standard. They have partaken in God's institution of marriage, which carries with it responsibility and commitment; yet, their relationship to their spouse does not line up with God's directives for husbands and wives. That's sin and blasphemy against God from either or both partners - whosoever neglects God?s ?order? for marriage. (Study blasphemy: ?... by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme ...? (II Samuel 12:14) "And when they opposed themselves, and blasphemed, he shook his raiment, and said unto them, Your blood be upon your own heads; I am clean: from henceforth I will go unto the Gentiles." (Acts 18:6) "Holding faith, and a good conscience; which some having put away concerning faith have made shipwreck: Of whom is Hymenaeus and Alexander; whom I have delivered unto Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme." (I Timothy 1:19,20) "Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed." (I Timothy 6:1) "To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." (Titus 2:5)Review carefully the first eight verses of First Corinthians 13 to see how charity (love) is to be applied in the context of a one-flesh marriage. Notice the contrast - what charity is not in verses 1-3 (by the "works" that many do to falsify "love") versus what it is as revealed in verses 4-8 through the hearts of those committed to God:
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What Marital Love Isn?t I Corinthians 13:1-3 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tin- kling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
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What Marital Love Is I Corinthians 13:4-8 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, be-lieveth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth ...
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The fruit or evidence of God's love working within a marriage is summarized in the description of the fruit of the Spirit: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance ..." (Galatians 5:22,23) It's a love that grows, that intensifies, that never dies - that typified by Jacob for Rachel: "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her." (Genesis 29:20)
TOTAL COMMITMENT
It's easy to talk about commitment when it is generalized: but the test is, how do you treat your spouse? Has s/he been elevated above your career, your personal pursuits, your friends and peers - and yes, even above your children? Do others (including God) KNOW by your actions that you are totally committed to him/her? Is it evident that s/he is the number one desire of your heart - not as a tinkling cymbal, but as one who is kind, not proud, longsuffering; who has eyes, thoughts and ambitions only for him/her? "Forsaking ALL others ..." Job understood the principle of ?forsaking all others? as evidenced by his lifestyle: "I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?" (Job 31:1)
If either couple finds himself looking at another person's body, whether it be his legs or any part of the anatomy, including a nice hair style or color of eyes and being drawn to that (in person or through TV, magazines, etc.), he should immediately go to prayer and fasting to petition God?s help to rid himself of such sinful acts. We should have the mind and heart-set that Job had to keep himself pure in his relationship with his wife. Losing interest in a mate doesn't start with a night in bed with someone else; it starts with a glance, a thought, which if not cut off immediately, can develop into a sinful relationship that can destroy many years of faithful nourishing and cherishing of one?s mate. Such behavior may seem harmless - but there are more than one million every year who get ?caught? in the deception of lust - they divorce their mates.
GETTING TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE
Deuteronomy 24:5 is a little verse tucked within this important book which you might not have realized is laden with important principles for establishing a firm foundation for a long-lasting marriage relationship: "When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken." Think about principles from this Scripture for life after the marriage ceremony, which may seem to have no relevance for today, but can be gleaned to create within this one-flesh husband and wife, the reality of the picture of Christ and His Church. Awesome!
| The honeymoon never ends! |
The oneness of marriage is not a continuation of the old life with the addition of another person, but the joining of two into a new set of joint relationships. In principle, Deuteronomy 24:5 is saying that the honeymoon does not end - that the fellowship between a husband and wife instituted during this time set aside for the two begins a new journey wherein the night out with the boys or girls evolves into an evening or weekend alone for the husband and wife, or the two with another couple. Hunting or golfing with the ?boys? and shopping with the ?girls? merges into activities with each other or with like-minded couples. The focus becomes building a relationship with each other, with minimum influence from patterns as a single person, so that the two do in the physical what God has done in the spiritual in making the two one.
WE MUST STAY FOCUSED
Our pattern of marriage is the LORD Jesus Christ and His relationship to His Church, and the reflection of the relationship of Jesus Christ to the Father: "And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me." (John 17:22,23) When the relationship between the husband and wife are ?ordered? with God?s design, the issue of submission becomes mute.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A PIECE OF PAPER; IT IS A JOINING BY GOD.Marriage is not a piece of paper. It is God?s creation (?what therefore God hath joined together?) with a defined structure and purpose to reveal His relationship (head) to the body and to bring two people into perfection together: "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Ephesians 5:26,27,33)
| SUBMISSION | CHARITY | REVERENCE |
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